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i'm so frustrated being sick... i can't hear... and i keep being asked stuff by people like... wait, are you sick? do you have swine flu? how are you?... and with all the talking i've been doing, and the fact that i still have gone to work, it's no wonder i'm not better yet. i wish i could roll up in a corner and sleep for hours, then wake up and be good again... or... actually, i mostly wish i was in manila right now with my parents rolled up in the security of being at home... knowing for certain that only my best interest is in mind... feeling free to BE sick, which in turn would allow me to get better... and just having my mom and dad there. that would make a big difference. if i could i would hug my mom right now, a really big hug... and let her hold me for hours, while i could cry at the frustration of not feeling at my best. people don't understand. they either completely ignore me, or they won't leave me be. i need my space so i can get better... but... i just wish i had someone to love on me a bit more... someone who knows me... (like my mom)... i'm not fond of nurses, and i'm not fond of the fact that i have to go through the nurse to get any kind of medicine to help me feel better... i just... want it all to go away. why can't i be on a planet all my own and soak up the world through my fingertips... to breathe freely and live without fear of condemnation. i guess part of my frustration and fear is that i feel like it's not ok to be sick... and it's like i'm looked down upon. i didn't ask this on myself. if only i could travel to Lewis' Perelandra...