Home for me is that sense of belonging that isn't tied to a specific place. It is the belonging one finds in intentional community with other people.
Since moving to Texas I have felt rather alone because I have not sought that community. I think I felt that this transitional time in my life would be less permanent than it has become, and why put down roots if I'm just going to painfully pull them up again? But I wonder, if I begin to believe that moving here was more than just having a reliable place to stay, that maybe there was some other purpose in it, if I choose to let this become home, what sorts of gifts I may find hiding?
I long for intentional community, but I also believe that I suck at it. It's hard for me to truly let people into my life and takes a lot of energy to truly invest myself in theirs as well.
I remember parts of college with fondness -- you know, if you wanted to hang out with people there was always someone to be found.
I loved roommate dates and weekly lunch dates with friends - sometimes old roommates, classmates, sometimes other MKs. (Let's be honest, rarely other MKs. I'm not sure why, but I didn't invest as much time with these people who I am supposed to have a lot in common with as I sort of wish I had.)
I spent my first 2.5 years living here spending my best hours working retail and the rest of the time recovering from work just to go back the next day. Wash, rinse, repeat. There was some fulfillment in that -- I love helping people and retail allowed me to do that -- but, in the end, the exhaustion outweighed the reward and I find myself still in Texas after 3 years with few friends - fewer who actually live in my part of the city - and hardly any community to speak of. I know it is there if I actively look for it. Future community of awesome people, home, will you look for me, too?
