This came to mind tonight, so I looked it up and read it again.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:25-34
God is in control. You know, I wonder sometimes where my life is going and what sort of plan God has for it. I know this isn't about plans, but it is about God taking care of us, of him taking care of me. He is the great provider. A couple years ago I looked into teaching English overseas as a missionary, and I even got accepted into the program, but I didn't go. I think I was afraid. Of many things. I was afraid of the money I would need to raise and I was afraid of the student loans I still needed to pay off... and having expenses but no income besides what God would provide and I think I was scared he wouldn't provide, that I wanted to go for my own reasons - like running away - and that I wasn't going because he was actually calling me to it. I was scared that he was calling me, too, I think, and I was scared to follow. I was also scared of leaving behind the few connections I had here. I'm pretty much a scaredy cat sometimes who needs to be reminded to stop worrying about life. I don't know if God has foreign missions specifically in mind for me or not, but I know that whatever he has for me, he will provide. Over the summer he provided a way for me to completely pay off my student loans and become debt free. He provided a new job for me that is just enough for me to afford everything I need, and low stress so my life can be more than just work. He provided a new place for me to live that fits in my new budget that is allowing me to gain independence and to make new connections. He is on the move, and I can feel it. I can't wait to see what else he has in store.
Tonight some friends came over and we watched The End of the Spear, because one of them is about to leave overseas to do mission work. I will admit that about halfway through I started silently sobbing, and I'm not sure why, though I know that movie has had the same effect on me in the past. It's like when I watched Peace Child. Part of me feels nostalgic watching movies like that, not because of the violence but because of being a little blonde girl, once, who got to live in a tribal village and play with kids whose language I did not know and did not learn very well. Regardless of whether it's just strong memories and a longing for "home" or some sort of calling or just having a heart, I always find myself very moved by these films. At the end, someone commented on how "not realistic" it was - changes that were made from reality in order to make it movie appropriate - but it didn't make it less moving for me. Is there a call in feeling an emotional response to something like that? I don't know. I do know that sometimes I'm a rather oblivious person and don't take hints very well, so if God wants me to do something it has to be very much in my face.
