My heart beats for other places
For other people other lands
Jesus, how can I be your feet and hands?
From time to time I have looked up how to use art in missions. I took an arts and trauma healing class at GIAL and a seminar on Arts for a Better Future, both using art as a tool to serve people, but I was not ready to commit to entering their arts program. I have looked into doing art therapy, which would require another degree in another state, but I haven't felt the push to actually pursue that.
I felt the urge to look again this evening and pulled up opportunities with Pioneer Bible Translators, OM Artslink, and the Greater Europe Mission, but I am so scared to walk forward.
Part of me is happy to stay here -- it's comfortable to have a job that doesn't rely on support raising, where I do have a place serving in a church and I can feel like I have an impact in my community, but I have been back in this country for nearly 10 years and my heart doesn't beat red, white, and blue. I have found pockets of belonging, but it's not home. I know that nowhere on this earth is ultimately home - that is heaven, but I still wish I felt more belonging. Even little things show me that this isn't really my home. Maybe this means I need to engage more, or maybe this means there is somewhere else I'm supposed to be. Both options scare me. As it is I am an introvert who feels so out of place in this place designed for extroverts to succeed. I hate crowds and twisting peoples arms into doing things they don't want to do. I want genuine relationships that develop over time and coffee, not relationships that are made quickly and out of necessity. I long for a slower paced life, and maybe that can't be found anywhere. I also long for a life doing things that truly matter that will genuinely make an impact on someone.
If you read this, please pray that the Lord will show me clearly which way to go and whether this is just homesickness or discontent, and/or if there is genuinely a call attached to that.
May I walk towards Jesus with no distractions, may I leave the world behind.
