conglomeration

do you ever go outside and just stare at the rain falling? i did today. it was nearly magical. i love the rain. it comes and it washes everything clean. it's like a whole new world.
then existence knocks again and i poof back into reality. exams. life. the universe. everything. when will life become... more? sometimes it seems so monotonous... a monotonous conglomeration of this that and everything, piled together like timber, ready to be set on fire. then the fire comes and you scream with agony, "why me? why all this stress? why do i have so much to do in so little time?" yet its the little things in life that matter most sometimes. tell someone you love them. give a friend a hug. write a little note. go dancing! and take me along, so i can learn how. this life isn't meant to be full of constant deprivation of joy. find fulfillment, fill yourself. fill yourself with the only thing that can truly fill you, and care about what really matters. that's what i tell myself, but i don't always listen, even though i should. thus i am stuck with a monotonous conglomeration of sticks being kindled into flame and destroying my mind as i speak. it's brilliant, absolutely brilliant. i guess when the fire is at its hottest and most torturous point that i need rain most. to take me away from it all, to put out the flame of frustration.