raindrops falling on my head...

this year, 2008, has been a very hard year for me.
transition is never a good thing.
transition = stress.
i've never been a huge fan of major life changes,
yet major life changes are my life.
...so i guess they've ironically been a big fan of me.
it feels like i have this formula worked out for change or something,
yet it isn't quite working this time -- not really, because part of the
"formula" is that i adjust to this place FOR A YEAR. but face it, i'll be here a lot longer than that. i don't like to think i'm bitter... or frustrated... yet i've not really been that fun of a person at times this year. i want to be happy and believe that everything will be amazing, but as much as i'd like to believe i've moved on, i haven't, and i find it hard to be. one nice thing about facing this thing of major life changes more than once is that i understand my patterns of coping with said change -- for instance, i understand that i am slow to consider new people my friends when i move to new places -- because my definition of "friendship" is very refined... friendship is more than having met a person -- it's knowing someone... and getting along with them/understanding them on some level. i also understand that i value all my friendships a LOT... and tend to keep them as a safety net -- probably why i'm on facebook so often, and why it bugs me when no one attempts to show me that i exist in their memory for days at a time.
...yet, following my same "patterns" i'll move on sometime in the next semester and next year I'll make new friends who will be my "best friends" until we part ways. there are exceptions to these patterns... but right now i just feel like this is my freshman year of high school all over again... except i'm older, less stupid, and have just a bit more to stress over in life.

scratchy throats and artichokes

so... i actually have nothing to say about artichokes, except that they DO taste good... especially a well made artichoke dip on chips -- superb. but that's not really the purpose of my writing... i'm just really tired and can't think logically... and my throat hurts really bad... and i'm really tired and not pleased with how my day was spent. it was not the way a saturday -- my first REAL day of break, since i am finally home was supposed to be spent. and i'm just kind of disappointed, wiped, and have no reason to stop being lethargic -- since my sister is convinced i am continuously in a state of lethargy -- except maybe to lash out in frustration at life.

...the beginning of the end...

i guess i never really realized how fast this year would progress -- it's already december and in no time we'll have finals. life is pretty crazy -- full of hecticity -- ... i don't have that many written finals, actually only two, but i have three art classes which means three final projects, and i'm just starting them. it's scary to have so many assignments to do at once, but it's also nice -- i don't have to spend hours and hours studying for everything... i just have to create art... and that's a whole lot more pleasing. for digital tools i have to photograph my work and do stuff to it... so i might post some of it up here... i made a flash album of some stuff from high school, but i don't know how to put it on here... because it's interactive and the whole post thing didn't seem to accept flash files.
what's up with me? well, in the last week i went on a whole roller coaster ride of mixed feelings -- my roommates want to move out so they can have a double... (i'll miss them so much...)... and so i had to find new roommates in the course of three days... and then on the last day after i had found people to move in with me, i found out that my best friend down the hall's roommate was leaving biola cuz of financial stuff... but it was basically too late to do anything -- or actually, i really just didn't have the energy to deal with potential drama and sign a ton more paperwork. (i really don't like being forced to make last minute decisions. CHOOSING to be last minute when everything needing to be done is in my court, is a whole different matter, because that's like planning things to be spontaneous, which is NOT true spontaneity. if that made any sense at all.)