Things to Come

What is to come?  I graduated from school, moved to Texas, and started a retail job.  This feels right for now, but it also just feels like a via point, like I'm just passing through here for a short time.  I missed a call today from the English Language Institute to try and recruit me to go overseas next year for 11 months and teach English in South Asia.  I also had an email from them waiting in my inbox.  For some reason, this contact really struck me and I was inspired to look the organization up again.  When I was still in school I had no interest in committing to serving overseas.  I was very one-track minded and could only really focus on the stress of getting through school.  I went to the booths at Missions Conference because I was supposed to care about what was happening overseas and here and was supposed to want to volunteer, but I really had no interest.  Finishing school was the only goal -- what would happen after that with an art degree and 100,000 different possible life paths?  Who knows, but I knew that I had to finish school.  Now it's a whole new story.  I moved back home and I don't think I want to stay here long term.  I got a job in retail, and I don't think I can handle that long term.  I don't feel like working as a cashier at a large chain store really is a valuable fulfilling job.  I feel like it is a position most anyone could fill.  I am utterly replaceable.  I remember that every day as I make small mistakes and wonder why they haven't fired me already -- though me thinks I am a bit hard on myself.  Even so, where I'm at in life feels very transitional, like I would go crazy if it lasted, like it's not supposed to last.  From that position, going overseas and teaching English for 11 months sounds wonderful.  I'm in transition as it is -- that at least would be more interesting transition... and maybe I am in this place of change for a reason, maybe it's where I need to be to be willing to open my heart to whatever God has for me.  Nothing is in stone right now.  I have a part time job and I live at home.  I have toyed with the idea of going back to school, but I am thinking that I want to put that off for a few years -- narrow down what graduate studies to pursue.  Having nothing in stone is both completely freeing and utterly terrifying, but I think it's important right now and that I need to embrace it, to let myself experience life and grow up a bit.  Time for a quarter life crisis?  Or maybe just to fall on my knees at the feet of a creator and give this life into his hands to be used however it ought to be used.