Sunday, May 25, 2014

needing a change? or just wanting a little control.

Every once in awhile (every couple months?) I feel the urge to change something in my life.  Usually this is manifested in a deep room cleaning and re-arrangement.  I literally move the furniture and find new places for stuff.  If you know me well you may have noticed this about me.  It's not always furniture, though, and right now I quite like how my room is set up.  It's like I get this urge to change something in my life.  I used to wonder about this, because although I've lived a life of constant moves and changes I have never been that big a fan of change.  So why do I get the urge to inflict change on myself?  I don't think it's been me, in any way, trying to somehow better myself so that I would deal with change better -- you know, some kind of virtuous exercise -- no.  I think it's me feeling like my life is out of control and needed to somehow reel it in and control it.  I can't change other people.  I can't change certain circumstances.  Other ones would be stupid to change until the timing is right.  I can take control of my home environment -- how it's decorated and arranged and I can take control of myself, and there are probably a few other things I can choose to control.  These are what I subconsciously focus on when I feel out of control.  I clean and rearrange my room or I do something to alter myself (usually my hair... sometimes me choosing to wear makeup/be a little more high maintenance.)
Last Fall I chose to henna my hair and probably have re-arranged my room a few times since then.  Today I chose to cut my hair.  Not just a trim.  Maybe like 6 inches.  Something totally noticeable.  It's still a straight cut, but it's shorter, less heavy, more manageable, less hot.  It instantly put me in a better mood.  I haven't truly cut my hair for a couple years.  I have trimmed it an inch or two every once in a great while but I'm not much for hair cuts.  I tend to like how I look with my hair long.  And I don't budget for haircuts.  I do them myself.

So friends, behold:


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