A conspiracy of sorts.

So, I took about a week and a half off from doing ceramics to focus on other things.  I made three books, one which I dislike, one which I like, and one which I love.  I plan to make more like the one I love, but I need to go shopping and have no money to do so.  I will photograph and post these up soon and make them available on my Etsy shop.  The problem with things I make that I dislike is that I neither want to keep them nor sell them, because I feel that some things are just unworthy.  I will readily give these away, but I know that I need to temper that desire, or just make things that I love all the time.  I also did a little crochet.  I made an elephant hat that I made up as I went.  I have always felt a little iffy about making and selling stuff from someone else's pattern, so I try as much as I can to make my own.  (Though I did read an article recently about how it really is ok to sell things made from someone else's pattern.  Which makes sense because although designed by someone else, I would be the one actually putting forth the effort to make the thing I am selling.)  I also made some coasters, and I'm still in process with this.  I need to get on top of finishing these because this Saturday I have been signed up to run a table at a "Spring Fling" event at the school where my sister teaches.  I need to have a smattering of things, business cards, and I need to figure out what I want to donate to the school for I believe an auction.  I know it needs to be something nice, but I also don't want to give away something that I worked super hard on and may be able to sell for a good amount, you know, and actually get some sort of reward for all the time and effort I put into this stuff every day.

I am getting off the topic of my brain though.  The reason this post is called "A Conspiracy of Sorts" is because I did get back on my wheel again today.  It felt so good to throw.  Best thing ever.  I had some goals today.  I wanted to throw a candle warmer, because I want to own a candle warmer, and I would rather make one than buy one - which is the case with just about everything that I CAN make, as long as I'm not feeling lazy.  The last time I sat down to try this I miserably failed.  Failed not only at making a warmer, but I did not successfully throw anything.  I think that's why I took a small vacation from it.  Today I did manage to throw the warmer base and a little dish to sit on top to hold the wax.  I was very pleased.  The warmer was made on my first try.  After this I set to work on trying to throw a teapot, but I want it to be a very large teapot.  If I was ok with a small teapot, I would have succeeded.  Basically I tried to accomplish this by throwing tall cylinders and then trying to round them out.  I failed.  Maybe I was too eager, not patient enough, I don't know.  But tall cylinder after tall cylinder eventually fell into a bowl.  and I decided I would rather have a bowl than completely scrap what I had made.  And so, the clay and wheel conspired against me and after that candle warmer the rest of everything I made were bowls.  It's not that I dislike bowls, in fact I should probably make them more.  I just wanted a teapot and I did not get a teapot.

a bit too much space?

I don't like the space between people.  I'm not talking about physical space, but an emotional and relational space.  I give information and ask questions seeking to know better and be known, to make friends and try to be a friend.  In some groups this is easy, in others not so.  I know that it is partially a TCK thing, this desire to go deep quickly, and that perhaps not everyone shares that same desire.  But that sort of sucks sometimes.  I don't mean like becoming intimate with someone, but just the basics of getting to know and becoming friends with them.

I am the queen of wanting to be closest with those who are farthest away, so I know I'm not always the best at, where I'm at, seeking people out and being a friend.  The queen of this you ask?  Yes.  I say this because I fell in like with someone a long time ago - we split ways, but I wasn't able to get him out of my head.  Then we see each other again, intentionally, and it started this closer friendship that has become more than that.  And somehow I don't mind that it's a long distance thing, because I'd rather have him in my life far away than not at all, and there is always the possibility of making distance disappear.

I am also the queen of wanting to be closest to those who are elsewhere because I want to be elsewhere.  I don't love Dallas.  It's something maybe I could grow to love, but I have no roots here.  Roots?  But you're an MK!  Yeah.  I have roots places.  The strongest ones were in the Philippines, though those have pretty much died by now.  The next strongest were in California, and those are still sometimes beckoning me to return.  In California I had extended family, my parent's home church, and my alma mater.  Here, I have my parents and my sister.  I love them, but I haven't yet grown to love the place.

I think if I am closest to those farthest away I can dream up trips to leave where I am and have the possibility of going places and knowing people there, regardless if the intention was to visit or not.

I tried to turn this blog into an arts and crafts thing, and I don't mind blogging about that from time to time, but that's not what my heart wants to write about.  My heart wants to write about interpersonal relationships and growing up across cultures and how I manage to cope with these.  So know that I will continue to post about the art stuff, but also throw in these personal brain processes as well.