Something new

I'm trying something new because I've been extra emotional lately and have realized my life is pretty out of balance. Mainly I think it's because I'm not taking needed time to process life, so I end up processing out loud with other people which doesn't work well for me, or not processing at all which also doesn't work. The new thing I started yesterday that already really helped was writing about my day in a notebook and processing it alone and with God. That eliminates the need to emotionally vomit on my friends which is what I feel like I've been doing lately, which makes me uncomfortable mainly because I see that it's more than I really should be sharing. I am also hoping this will help me take more time alone which I need to be a stable person. I'm not good at caring for myself, and this is a way I hope to grow in that area.

feeling emotional

I continue to do a lot of self analysis and wrestle with things I don't like about my personality and reasons why, and I have discovered so much. It is humbling as I come to grips with my humanity, come to accept my imperfections, and realize that despite these, the Creator of the Universe loves me. Following Myers-Briggs I test as an ISFJ, and although I know it is pretty accurate in describing me, I have a hard time accepting things about who I am that I test this way. I have a deep need to love and be loved, moreso than being unique, independent, successful, or intellectual. However, I feel like those other things should be what I strive for. I feel like as an "S" I am inadequate because I need to have all the facts rather than just somehow "knowing" things. It makes me feel somehow stupid or incompetent, though I know I am not. I am mostly OK with being an "F" and am coming to terms with being a fairly strong one, but I so value the level headed logic that my "T" friends use to make decisions. Sometimes I feel like an emotional mess and need to learn that feeling is OK, even if it's sometimes messy. I am a "J", but I wish I was a "P" sometimes and could be more spontaneous. I am learning that I don't really want to change who I am, I just want to know that I am loved the way that I am and even if I know in my head that it's true, my heart sometimes doubts it.

Lord, you made me as me for a reason. Show me my value and what you have for me. Help me to find purpose. Help me to care most how you see me and worry less about the judgments of others.