a new place, a new life

i feel in a poetic mood this night, though perhaps my thoughts will not flow as poetically as i might hope. biola, the place where i now eat, sleep, learn, and dine has been an amazing experience for me. i rather dislike when people ask how i am doing, because i don't know what answer i should give. the "expected" answer is "good"... and sometimes i prefer that answer even when the truth is much deeper, because i don't always appreciate it when people show pity towards me... and i often overstate emotions anyway. it's not a bad thing to be tired when i've had 9 hours of class in a day... that's more than i'd get in high school!... but it's not extremely necessary to make people feel sorry for me because of my insane schedule. after all, i did choose it, did i not? but even beyond that, i'm at a point right now, and i'm not sure whether this is a good or bad thing, but i'm at a point where it doesn't matter to me that i am busy and haven't chosen much of a social life, because i'm here in college to study, to learn, to grow closer to God. Right now i can't easily handle that with my busyness and still do stuff with friends... and i don't have many people i would extremely care to spend long hours with anyway. i love the people i have gotten to know, but it all feels so surface, so superficial... and i don't know how i'm expected to make friendships with people in the American context. it's been too long... and relationships here are so different than ones in the Philippines at Faith Academy. In a way it seems very wrong to be so reclusive, but it's hard not to be. deep down, the changes have been harder than i let on, or than i even, myself, realize. i guess not diving head first into friendships and relationships is my way of coping with the change, because if i have to try to hard to make friends i tire easily. ...but take everything i say with a grain of salt, because my writings are from thoughts in my head that don't always line up with reality, but are compiled of my mind's imaginings and my heart's feelings.
Jen