i ponder

so... it's funny. everything i write seems to have a title having to do with... thought. ie: thoughts, more thoughts... or this one. i ponder. sigh.
it's really weird, though... because it was math that made me think this time. and math usually doesn't generate deep thoughts in my head... because... well... math is math. i'm not bad at math, but it's not something i want to spend my whole life doing.
but it was math that reminded me that things best learned, knowledge best known, are those things which we seek to know. the only way to know something is to learn it, and the only way to learn something is to actually search for that knowledge.
i hate asking for help. i'm just... ... weird that way. if i don't know something, i need to find it out for myself, and simply asking someone is generally a last resort. that makes the internet, especially google, very handy to me, because whatever i don't know is at my fingertips. if i forget Rene Descartes proofs for the existence of God and am not in my room (where it hangs on my closet) i can look it up on google and have it right there. yet, doesn't this instant-knowledge technology make the deep yearning for knowledge so much less? if it's not hard to find information, then the thirst for that information will be less. people will not desire to enrich their minds because the computer becomes their minds... the internet becomes the collective mind of the world. which is scary, considering all the crude and creepy things that can be found there.
but... yah.
and all that because i didn't remember how to do a specific kind of function problem... and had to look it up in my textbook. (the first time i looked in it since the class started!)... it was amazing. and i think i sort of understand how the problem works now too, which is pretty cool... it thus becomes more than a mechanical repeating of form.