Like the smell of fresh tea or rain falling on the earth

It seems that a lately muddled mind is fading away. 
The gray is turning bright with sun. 
Maybe spring will be here soon.

I don't know if all my reminiscences really have to do with the weather, with the cold and dark, short days, or not, but I do know that the air isn't as cold and the sun is shining for longer every day, and somehow life is picking up and a smile is starting to dance on my face, or at least the face in my mind.

I've been in contact with ELIC working on an application, but I don't know if that is really where I am meant to go.  I don't feel particular peace about going, and staying is feeling more and more like a good and viable option.  Work is good - I'm still getting a decent number of hours each week despite the slow-down since the Holidays, and I recently was given the opportunity to try my hand at teaching some painting classes there.  We will see how that goes.  I'm simultaneously optimistic and nervous.  There are so many details that need to be worked out, and I feel like all the rest of my spare time will be eaten up, but this is something along the lines of my studies, and I should not let them be in vain.  I would love to do something with my art, but I feel like teaching classes really makes me vulnerable as a person.  Being a teacher sort of displays the teacher's shortcomings sometimes, falling short of the expectations of the students or falling short of self expectations.  I try not to be so chained to expectations and following through with what I believe those to be, but it's hard.  I like being at peace with myself and others, and I like being likeable.  Even selling my art makes me vulnerable.  This fear of how others will respond to me and my work, my lifeblood, really needs to be confronted.  Teaching art classes should help to confront it.  You know, this extra opportunity makes it even more difficult to just leave for somewhere else right now.  I have this constant urge to go-go-go, to be forever new and wandering and never really put down roots and get to know people.  I also have a desire for roots and relationships, but I think I am afraid to actually give in to that desire.  Constantly being uprooted is what I am used to and what has become comfortable, though sad and stressful.

But -- this is a happy post.  Life seems good right now.  My face and heart can share the same tune.  Maybe this is an ok place to be.