With so many friends graduating recently I've been thinking more about my own graduation a year ago and all the things that have happened since. This past year has been a very difficult and transitional one for me -- but I guess difficult and transitional is how we grow. Almost a year ago now I walked to the tune of pomp and circumstance with all the people I had somehow co-existed and learned with, and befriended on various levels for the past four years. We sat and listened to Mako Fujimura give a moving speech about asking ourselves daily what we would make. Some other words were spoken, then the first row of graduates stood and lined up by the stage. I was number 8 in line. I heard as my friends before me were announced and whisked across the stage. After a few moments it was my turn. I heard Jon Puls announce my name and I walked across the stage, slightly dazed, stopping to shake the hand of DBC and to be handed a diploma cover. I then got to sit back down while the other thousand graduates heard their names called and got their diploma covers. The recessional led us back away from the grassy lawn and into a cheering hoard of people -- friends and family. And after a few moments, it was all over. I went off with my family to celebrate with a picnic in the park, and I haven't seen a lot of those people since. I think I wish I had more time to make memories with people important to me in that sea of faces. I also wish I had more time to develop some of the friendships that were just barely begun. Instead, I graduated, packed up my stuff, and moved several states over. I kind of started over, in a new place, where I only knew a few people who I hadn't seen in years. I got a job in retail, which I still have. I enjoy it, though the 25 mile commute in each direction each day takes a bit of a toll. I joined a church, Duncanville First Baptist Church, and joined the music ministry playing french horn for the services - third or fourth depending on who all makes it on any given Sunday. I got connected with the college group, though I'm not in college anymore, so I always feel this bit of disconnect.
Then, a few months into this new adventure, my grandmother passed away. I didn't go to the funeral. I couldn't deal with yet another life upset and I had a new job that I didn't want to jeopardize. In retrospect, I could have gone, it would have been fine. It probably would have been good. I think I mourn most over the fact that I never feel like I got to know my grandmother. I don't feel like I really got to know any of my grandparents. I wasn't around. I was in another country, living a separate life in another world.
Towards the end of 2012 I decided that I felt stuck, like my life wasn't going anywhere. I decided to apply to ELIC for the opportunity to teach English overseas -- like my life didn't feel crazy enough already. I dragged my feet through the whole process, but continued to follow through with the application. I didn't want to start the process then completely back out. I found out recently that I have been accepted into the program and can go July of 2014 if I choose. I'm still weighing my options.
This spring I was hired as an art teacher at my current retail location, so basically I have two hats for the same employer now: art teacher and cashier. I have two students in a class for this Saturday. If a third joins, the minimum number of students, it will be my first class. I've started having dreams about teaching these classes. I think it expresses my concern about the situation.
I look forward to July with my next imminent adventure and Mel's wedding. She asked me to be a bridesmaid and I will be driving to the east coast. This will be my first time on that side of the country! It will be a fun trip, picking up a good friend I haven't seen in far too long in Arkansas on the way, and getting to be a part of the wedding of a good friend I also haven't seen enough of recently!
So, I guess life is actually good right now. I'm still working on the building friendships here thing, and I'm still working on being contented with where I am at. If I feel like it's ok to go overseas again I may accept the teaching fellowship with ELIC, but it seems like it might be good to put down a few more roots first and to connect with a few more people.
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