I should probably find a good friend to gab with rather than posting online, but I find that when something is joyous or distressing, two extremes, it seems necessary to share. With someone. Maybe the world. Granted, I would rather meet you for tea or coffee every week and in person mutually pass stories of delight. I have a great friend from college who I had a standing lunch or dinner date with almost every semester. I knew that whenever that day came around I would have a friend, good conversation, lots of laughter, maybe Gilmore Girls or Mona Lisa Smile afterwards. We tended to watch Mona Lisa Smile at the end of semesters and reminisce about our Art History classes and how the new things discussed fit in with this or that part of the art history lessons. It was always a happy reminder of our art professors and the funny ways they would tell things, like Puls and his musings about Islam and cheeseburgers. Of course we actually learned some art history, too, not just about cheeseburgers. Though I feel like towards the end I just wanted school to be done with and I didn't have the concentration required to put as much focus into my classes as I should have. I think my last year my focus fully shifted to my show and everything was thrown out of balance for me. I know I couldn't have been a good friend that year because I had no energy to take care of myself let alone other people. It's nice to finally be able to look back and see life from a distance, maybe with a less clouded eye. I knew I was farsighted for a reason; even in my life things that are too close to me are blurry but get clearer as they are farther away.
But that is a seriously terrible tangent, though I was kind of enjoying the trip through my memory.
I do really wish I had someone here right now to sit in a chair across from me that would delight in my ridiculous way of seeing life and in my childlike joy at some of my life events ahead. I think delight is an important part of life and it's no fun to keep it to yourself. Delight is meant to be shared.
So, for the past many months there was this small nagging piece in the back of my head worrying about getting work off in order to be a bridesmaid for a wedding coming up in a few weeks. I knew that I would have to request time off, and since other people would be involved I had to figure out way early what time to request, even though at that point I didn't have a realistic idea of the amount of time needed, so I think I probably over estimated. However, I kind of need a vacation. Actually, I think I badly need a vacation, so I will be happy to have the extra couple days that aren't really required.
My joy in all this is that I knew I could not find out the sentencing of time off until today, since requests are not input very much in advance. I turned in the paperwork at the end of April, but today was the day of truth. I looked up at the piece of paper and scanned it for victory, and I did not find my name on the list. Sometimes a name is still listed with a couple hours or just "time off request" written all week but my name was not even there. My heart jumped for joy and a smile spread across my face. Later I thanked my boss for the time off, and he basically said that he decided to give it to me because I never really ask for time off and I always do my shifts. It's good to know that work considers me to be reliable. I mean, I've been there for almost a year and they still like me! hah.
Long story short, my heart will be dancing from now until at least several weeks from now. First in anticipation of a summer adventure, then from going on the summer adventure, and finally from reminiscing about the adventure.
But life has been rather dance-y lately anyway. Somehow now that I'm reaching the year mark in this new home of sorts I'm finally feeling like I am settling in and almost like I belong. That's probably one argument against any kind of short term arrangement for me -- it takes me so long to finally feel settled... maybe I should stop feeling the need to flit from one place to the next. But that's more of a simultaneous fear of and desire for rootedness. Both fear and desire because I don't feel rooted and I want to be but I don't know what it means to be. Something to consider more fully later.
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