So, I guess it was sort of my fault, but I woke up not wanting to get out of bed, but having to because need to live, which means need to make money, which means work. I should have been well rested because I had the last two days off, and a little break in my class, but I'm just tired. I didn't have coffee. I didn't eat anything. I dragged myself out of bed, put on work mandated clothes and drove to work. I was not in the best of moods and had a headache. (no coffee, no breakfast, no energy to deal with training anyone at work, but this week we're starting to train a couple new people.) but I went to work, and work I did, and it wasn't half bad. I like the new lady we're training. She's probably about the age of my parents, and not technologically savvy, but she'll catch on. One of the bosses asked us to, if we had time, do some research on well-known African Americans for Black History Month and get some 11x17 pages with a photo and bio printed and laminated, so we started that project. She did the research, I helped with the technologically savvy part -- putting it all into Word and formatting it. I wasn't exactly thrilled about the project, but I let our new hire take the reins and just helped out with the formatting aspect of it. As is standard, we talked a lot, sort of "getting to know you" sort of stuff, and I likely overshared, which I am prone to do. I don't feel like a concise sentence ever gets a full idea across. I share stories, but to give context to the stories I share back stories. Which sort of leaves me vulnerable and easily annoyed when people respond to my stories in ways I don't anticipate... not a bad thing, but I was in a bad mood, and it didn't help. The weirdest part was towards the end of the shift she asked me how old I was because she likes the idea of setting me up on a date with her son... who is like 8-9 years older than me and seeing someone who she doesn't think is right for him. This has left me... confused? but I guess flattered as well. Anyway, weird day. At that point I still had not eaten any food, bad me. Just had a couple glasses of water, if that. After work I drove straight to my parent's house to raid their fridge and drink coffee and spent the rest of the day chilling with my mom on the sofa. I'm such a homebody.
But, moral of the story, I got to thinking about friendships again, and I think that close friendships with people scare me. I want them, yes, but it's scary to say, "hi, I want to be your friend... not just your friend, but your good friend!"... part of it is that getting to the good friend part takes time. I've heard that the taking time to build friendships is a monocultural thing, and I was thinking it was so funny that it takes awhile for me, but I think there are walls, that I'm scared of letting someone get close, but I also want people to be close. I'm full of contradictions and am aware of that, but I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm thinking about friendships because one of the things I overshared about was how I'm not good at putting myself out there with people. I like to stay home. I was arguing why it was a good thing to not live with my parents, because I have anti-social tendencies and would never get out and meet people. Living with other people my age inspires me to sometimes actually do social things.
Also, I think it's super funny that after admitting that I'm an anti-social homebody and after her mentioning my dry skin (to me an indication that I don't take good care of myself) that she would ask if it was weird that she was thinking about setting me up with her son? I don't understand. I guess she likes my character? I don't understand.
But yes. Still have a headache, just needed to... something, somewhere.
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