people are and will be people

so many thoughts have laboured my mind [and caused me to write with the british "u" also, apparently...] lately. i've gone from mind boggling perplexed-ness to wanting to write a novel about my life to... everything in between. when will someone invent a mind printer? i want one. i write stories in my head but cannot get them down on paper quickly enough for them to flow as well as they would have had i been able to copy them down precisely as they were first thought. speaking and writing always seem to interrupt the delicate process of thought. i guess the whole "i want to write a book on my life story" thing deals with a frustration that so many people know so little about me here... i hate that i have to build who i am for people from the ground up again, because they didn't grow up knowing me... or get to know people who already knew me. i don't like starting again, because it's so much work. i want people to be people... who i can just sit down and have a relaxed conversation with. i don't want to destroy you... my expectations are nothing greater than that i would love to have deep and meaningful discussions with people... or even just normal discussions, but without the fronts, the walls, the politeness... the politically correct way to be "civil." don't be civil. be yourself. i'd rather be myself than pretend to be someone i'm not... i'd rather be unkempt and disheveled than spend hours trying to give myself an unnatural beauty. i'm willing to meet you halfway to your level, will you attempt to come at least halfway to mine? if we meet in the middle, then maybe we can start to understand one another. if i wrote my life story, however, i would become detached from my life, and become the outside observer. that would be weird. unless i said "i"... but i almost think i would appreciate pretending to be an outsider... so i could experience my life from the outside, nearly. [obviously not truly since one can never be completely objective about oneself]
on that note, it's fascinating to me to watch the levels of recognition as they hit me. when i see someone for the first time, the impression i am given of them deals merely with outside observations... they are but plastic, though they move and speak. the more i know someone, the more other information goes into play with how i see that person... i begin to see personality, dreams, hopes, ambitions... i begin to see more of the whole picture, and a person is painted before my eyes. it's fascinating.
though i like that word far too immensely.